What Qualities make a great Birth Partner?
Normal Birth
Many women automatically choose the father of the baby as their birth partner. For many women this is the best choice, but for others it might be worth considering asking a relative or friend or maybe looking into the additional support of a Doula.
All the efforts of a birthing mother should be concentrated on the birth. The birth partner offers emotional and practical, continuous support throughout birth to help the mother-to-be to birth without hindrance.
The birth partner needs to:
- Be Reliable
- Be Supportive
- Have Patience & Stamina
- Be Strong
- Act as an "Assertive Mother's Advocat"
- Be Understanding & Thick Skinned
- Address his Fears
- Be Protective
- Have Faith
- Be 'There'
Reliable
Someone that is going to be
'there', at the birth and doesn't have other commitments. Flexible enough to cope with false alarms and practice contractions. There for the duration.
Supportive
Understanding the birthing woman's wishes before birth. Discussing issues that may arise and how they should be handled. Help the birthing process run as smoothly as possible. There is a subtle difference between 'Supporting' and 'Coaching'. Coaching conjures a image of a sports teacher with a whistle, directing pupils: "Come on, Run faster! Now. That's it...You can do it!" A birthing woman doesn't need to be directed. She knows instinctively how to birth. An effective way of supporting during labour is to 'say what you see'. "You handled that contraction really well", "Those deep breaths are keeping you calm", "You are doing it"...
Patience & Stamina
To provide continuous birth support you need to look after yourself. Labour can last for 24 hours or more. You won't be much use to anyone if you don't keep yourself fed and watered! Be prepared for the long haul.
Strong
Mentally, physically and emotionally.
Birth can be long and tiring. Some birthing positions may require physical assistance. The birthing room is an emotionally charged place.
Assertive
Communication skills are vital. Understanding and
voicing a woman's changing needs is a key part of being a birth partner.
Often it is difficult for birth partners to stand up to medical staff to
ensure a birthing mother's wishes are met. When faced with
professionals in hospital you assume they know more about birth than you
do. They probably do, but you are the one that knows the most about the
labouring woman. You need to find a strategy to help implement the
wishes of the labouring woman without impacting on the safety of the
mother and baby. A Doula can help if you don't feel confident in
handling medical staff and situations.
Understanding & Thick Skinned
Birth can test a woman almost
to her limits.The birth partner needs to understand this and be thick
skinned about anything that take place in the birthing room. If a
birthing woman screams "I'll rip your bloody head off, if you tell me to
'Breathe' again" That's her prerogative.
Address Fears
It's helpful for the birth partner to address his/her
fears
before entering the birthing room. Birthing women are very sensitive to
their environment whilst giving birth. The smallest comment or least
look of doubt in her birth partners eyes can have a profound effect on
how she is feeling. It's sometimes useful to talk to other new father's
and draw from their experience, as well as discuss any worries and
concerns before labour starts.
Protective
The birth partner becomes a guardian of the birthing room. Whilst in labour the birthing Mother can't ensure the lights are kept low and noise to a minimum
and fully concentrate on birth. Part of the birth partners role involves ensuring a conducive environment for the birth to take place.
Faith
Whilst it's difficult watching the ones we love, when they are in pain. The birth partner needs to have the faith that '
She can do it'. By talking birthing options through before hand, the birth partner should have a clear understanding of the birthing woman's pain relief preferences and the ways to handle the situation when things get intense.
Be 'There'
The list could go on... These qualities and others make for an excellent birthing partner, but the most important thing a birth partner can do is
'Be There'.
If you are in a busy hospital, you may not be continuously attended to by a midwife. The birth partner is the one who is there throughout. The presence alone of the birth partner should not be underestimated. If all you did, was to sit by the birthing woman's side, the companionship can make a positive difference to woman's attitude in birth. All she needs is to feel your belief.
Footnote:
Whilst the birth partner plays a huge role in helping the birth run smoothly, it isn't 'only' his responsibility. There is a pressure for the birth partner to play his part, but if the birth doesn't unfold the way everyone hopes - it isn't solely down to him. The attitude's of the birthing woman, medical staff, hospital policy, and how the birth progresses all have a massive impact on the end result.
